Infamous October. As I have dubbed it. One year later. Yesterday was the 1 year Lossaversary. The Lossaversary of 9 Souls. Of hundreds of peoples homes. Of THOUSANDS of peoples sense of security. But for me, (as well as everyone in my families), sanctuary. To this day I cannot smell a fire like I used to. Now it triggers memories of a time long gone...
The year that followed had a lot of mishaps. Of regulations. Of red tape to break through. Financing. Permits. Construction. Licenses. CHP escorts. Every piece was another piece of an agonizingly long puzzle that played a part in a waiting game. As my dad used to say, "Hurry up and wait." Delay after delay. So many things that are out of your control. Nothing you can do to help the process speed up. Ground impact tests. Septic tests. Tree removal.
Insurance didn't want to pay all of the coverage. Even when a complete loss could be proved. The insurance did end up paying (my understanding) in my grandparents case but there were so many that are STILL battling. I don't know all of their individual stories, but I know that there are many who still are suffering. They say that short term recovery is 1-3 yrs. and long term is 3-7 yrs. I know Middletown from 2015 is STILL trying to recover. Santa Rosa, isn't moving as quickly as some of Mendo is. Many people chose not to rebuild, and it is inanely sad to see the plots up for sale.
My grandparents have chosen to rebuild. They got, 6 months after financing was approved, a beautiful new home delivered at the end of last month. While they are not in their new home, and weren't as of the 1 yr, I know they are on track to be in very soon. I see a weekender for an open house in my future.
While I couldn't be there that day, I watched and read the tributes. I read every post. I am present when I can be. Supportive and talkative where needed. I am an ear anyone can bend at anytime.
For me the year was a cycle of ups and downs. Spontaneous tears and happiness, also of smoke filled skies, and our own evacuation notice due to a close fire, 3-5 streets over. I went back to work. I have met a lot of amazing people. I forgave those who chose divergent paths. I lost 30 lbs. My heart is healing. "They say time is the only healer, God I hope that isn't right, 'Cause right now I'd die to not remember..." I do believe that time heals all. For moths I had a really hard time feeling helpless. Survivors guilt. Guilt I couldn't be there for any of the cleanup. I know my grandma wanted me to focus on being happy and taking care of my family, but that feeling of helplessness still haunts me. I don't know whats next on the agenda for me. My home is very close to being listed for sale, and I don't know which way the wind will blow us. Lots of decisions. But I look forward to time healing, lessons learned for fire prep, and a new project.
My mom came to visit this month. She had some photos I hadn't looked through until after she left. I am going to share them here. These photos were taken before my first blog. I swear I am connected to my mom. Again, I hadn't seen this photo until my mom came up hear damn near a year later. I did ok going through them, until I got to the ONE THING I BLOGGED SPECIFICALLY ABOUT IN MY FIRST BLOG. My favorite Mug. Classy Lady. I melted down. I had no idea you could tell what things were. You can see how they just fell. like melting through the cabinets and floors. They are hard to look at. But important.
So today I leave you with some photos of the damage and then some of the new.
New starts Now. Time will help us forget this unspeakable tragedy. Working in my new family I have new reasons to smile. I hope that you all are finding them too.
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